I'd Like To Territorially Acknowledge Territorial Acknowledgements

Anishinaabe comedian Ryan McMahon Acknowledges The Territories From The Territory In Which These Territorial Acknowledgements Have Been Made, Territorially, And With Acknowledgement Of Said Territory

So to begin, I would like first to acknowledge the territory I'm sitting in, which is, uh, my house. Like I’m literally sitting in my house. So I want to acknowledge the person that built this house. 113 years ago. Thank you to that person for using the tools to build the house on this territory, that territory which is Hamilton, Ontario. So thank that person and this house and this territory. Hamilton, which is a territory, not a person. I want to thank, thank the tool makers that provided the tools to the house builder that built the house in Hamilton where I am. So thank you to the tool makers and the steel pounders that pounded the steel that made tools to build the house on the stolen land in which territory I'm acknowledging by doing this territorial acknowledgment.

I should also quietly say thank you to the people that found Hamilton, which of course, for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years was a Haudenosaunee and Anishinaabe shared territory. So thank you to them for having the land stolen by those that found Hamilton.

And a big thank you to those Hauds and Nishnobs that let people build houses on their stolen land rather than kill them in the still of the night. Your generosity is what now allows me to live in a house that was built on your stolen lands. And though my partner Madeline and I overpayed for this house that is NOT your problem so I won’t bring it up here in a deeper way than this which is to say holy shit who knew the housing market would be what it is on your stolen lands and damn I wish you would have killed the original land thieves in the still of the night.

Okay.

Where was I?

Oh, yes. So thank you for the house and thank you for the chair I'm sitting in on this territory where my butt, my bum, sits right now currently as I talk into this microphone. Thank you to the chair builder factory people that built the chair where my bum is. And thank you to the creator for my bum. It's a decent bum. It used to be better, but I'm digressing once again, so thank you. Creator for my body, territory and creator that created all that is good. Meegwetch and many aho’s for that.

So thanks. Thanks for the chair and for creating the world that this house is in on the stolen land in the city called Hamilton and the former territory of the Huron Wendat Anishinaabe and the Haudenosaunee.

And thank you creator that created all the things around here. Like, uh, like the trees and the plants in the air and the water and all the moose meat. Uh oh. Well, there's no moose in southern Ontario. They've all been killed off and they all ran up north, though I'm not sure moose ever lived down here where I am because the climate is pretty hot and warm and moose sweat. So shout out to the sweaty moose. I'd like to territorially acknowledge your sweat.

Speaking of sweats, I'd like to acknowledge the creator for giving us the sweat lodge, which is a a sweaty lodge that you go to pray. And. And it's good. So way to go, Creator! Aho for the sweat lodge.

And in you, the listener of this territorial acknowledgment, I'd like to territorially acknowledge where you are on no doubt stolen land and thank you for for living on the stolen land and territorially acknowledging the theft of the land. And boy, that's awkward, isn't it?

And so just acknowledging that territory in the land whose land it was formerly and whose land it no longer is. But in acknowledging it, we acknowledge the land and the territory and the land. So we acknowledge that. And that's really acknowledgeable. So to all you listeners, we acknowledge your presence here in the house that was built where you live and maybe it's a condo or an apartment or a basement or a teepee or a lean to I don't know.

Technology's weird. So thank you for listening.

Where no matter where you live and no matter what kind of vessel your body is sitting in now, maybe a car, maybe a bike, and you're pedaling and you've got Apple AirPods in. Thank you.

I’d like to territorially acknowledge Steve Jobs even though he’s dead. And I’ll also territorially acknowledge Silicon Valley, a territory, where all of Apple's products were dreamt of and made and created.

And a big shout out to the Congo where all of the precious minerals are stolen violently to make our technology. We just want to territorially acknowledge all of the precious minerals stolen for our comfort over here in the West. And boy, does that make me feel bad that that's the truth. But it does not make me feel bad enough that I didn't buy a MacBook Pro. So that's on me. And I hope the universe and God, if there is a God, finds a way to deal with me about all that in the afterlife because I should pay a price for buying products that inflict harm on others. And that's really the tension that I'm sitting with now. And I'm acknowledging that tension by acknowledging it and being in the territory where I'm acknowledging it. So I acknowledge that.

Thank you to Rogers High speed Internet. Roger Thank you, Roger. You've been an average Internet provider, but I acknowledge the the the hi fi Wi-Fi speeds of the 5G network you're building across Canada.

I'd like to territorially acknowledge all of the the stolen airspace that you are you are using to Zoom me, boom me, bop me, drop me into the lives of the people. So acknowledging you, Roger, whoever you are, way to go. You charge too much. But you know I have options. But I you know, the other ones aren't as good as yours, so I pay it reluctantly every month. I'd like to acknowledge that payment that is, you know, is exorbitant. But I'd just rather bitch about it than actually change to a lesser provider. So acknowledging Roger and and everyone that's clicked wherever whoever brings you these boom bop Wi-Fi boom drops of my voice into your ear balls. We acknowledge their territory that they're using in stolen and then paying and then charging for. So way to go.

Capitalism kills us all, but we don't care because it's just the fucking way it is. So here we are and we're all going to die. So you might as well enjoy the ride. And we acknowledge the ride.

Speaking of rides, shout out to bus drivers. You're underpaid and you put up with the fucking mentally unwell fallout of COVID.

I'm going to take a sip of coffee. Mhm. Shout out to the beans. Just the beans. No brand. I'm not doing that. They're not paying me to do it so why should I shout it out? A few other brands shout out to the brand of choice, Balzac's, which is just a funny name for a coffee brand. Probably has nothing to do with ball sacks, but Balzac's makes me laugh and it's a joke in my household that we often tell. So shout out to Balzac's for the beans and the coffee and my blood is thick with your beans and your Balzac's. So shout out to that.

All right, to wrap up our territorial acknowledgment here and just say hello to to all the the the people who've clicked play who are sitting there playing this.

Maybe hearing this has compelled you and now you're acknowledging the territories where they are and they look outside and they see the trees blowing in the wind and then they say, acknowledge these trees on this land and this territory in the vessel I sit, whether it's a home or a car or on my bike, or maybe I'm walking the dog or the kids playing at the park and I should be paying attention. But now I'm sitting here listening to this. I acknowledge the trees and the snow, which is water that fell from the sky and then stayed on the ground because the temperature in the air is too cold. And it froze the ground through time. And then that frozen ground keeps the snow on top of it and the plants rest. And then when they rest, they're rejuvenating. But I'm Ojibwe and I'm not supposed to talk about all the plants resting because they'll wake up if they hear me. That's some Ojibwe dogmatic shit that no one needs to concern themselves with. Okay. And then acknowledging the listeners. And wherever you are, you see the trees and the plants and the winter and the. And the waters and the wind.

What is wind?

That's a real question.

What is wind?

Oh, well, wind is whoosh. It's really whooshy. But at times, confusingly, wind isn’t whooshy. And wind is a weather pattern. It's a weather system. Maybe it's atmospheric pressure that moves in the atmosphere, which is something in space, but not really. And what is space anyway? Good question, me. Thanks, me.

Space is just space above us. And it’s also around us. It's just above us when we're walking on the ground on the earth, which is a planet that we stand on, some of us stand on. I'm not being ableist. Some of us are standing, some of us aren't. And that's okay.

But the atmospheric pressure blows around and some days it's windy and some days it's not. And on the days it's not, you're like, Where'd the wind go? I trust no one. And then you just keep it rocking because frankly, we've got other things to worry about, not just where the wind goes when it's not windy. However, that's a real question I have. Why some days is it so windy and other days there's no wind.

I think wind is a bad spirit. And on windy days I try not to go outside because bad spirits are bad.

So.

I'd like to acknowledge territorially, the bad spirits. You're out there. I know you are. I've got cedar in my moccasins for you motherfuckers.

Okay.

That’s it.

I’ve territorially acknowledged all that is territorially acknowledgeable right now.

Enjoy the territory.