Life According To Clarence Two Toes - Highway

Life According to Clarence Two Toes is a collection of short stories that brings you inside the paradoxical world of Indian Country's favourite shit disturber, Clarence Two Toes.

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HIGHWAY

My kokum napped every day at two o'clock. She was a shit sleeper; she used to say she hated to close her eyes because “she had too much shit to do.” I don’t know if I believe that. I think she hated to dream; pretty sure I heard her say that once.

When she napped, my grandpa puttered in his garage and made small talk with a few of the other NDN’s that hung out in their garages. They’d shuffle from garage to garage, tinkering, arguing, teasing and laughing while the day came and went.

The afternoon was usually my time to do whatever kids were supposed to do during the summer holidays. I’d ride my bike on the old skidder trails behind the houses at the end of the road. Sometimes I’d go for a swim at the old docks. Other times, I’d walk down to the gas bar to find my cousins and try to get a game of whatever going at the ballpark.

I remember one summer after school was over, I think it was 1995, I was kinda going out with this trailer trash redneck girl named Lexus. She called me on the phone and told me the fair was in town. She said she wanted to see me. Her saying that made me want to see her. We liked sucking on each other’s faces. The last time we sucked on each other’s faces was at the end-of-school-year dance and, well, that was weeks ago now.

The Rednack Fair was the best time of year, according to most. I don’t know if it was really called the Redneck Fair or if there was another name for it, but that’s what we called it on the reserve, the Redneck Fair.

It was a big deal when it came to town. The fair was the main event. But there was a parade, stock car races, beer gardens, and a band. This year April Wine was playing.

I’d only ever been to the redneck fair one time. I went with my uncle when I was ten. He went there to play cards in a big tent at the fair, some tournament. He gave me $40 and told me to come back around midnight.

First thing I did was buy the biggest orange pop I could find. Delicious.

I walked around that night with my eyes bugged out of my head. I’d never seen so many barbed wire tattoos, beer t-shirts and NASCAR hats.

I wanted to go on rides, so I stood in line to get a bracelet. The line was long, probably as long as the line is on Treaty Day on the rez when the White Man from the government comes to give us our five bucks for the year in exchange for giving Canada, well, everything.